The Emperor Has No Clothes

Well I felt like a fool. I was so explicitly told, time and time and time again, “You can do anything you want here in the garden of Shanghai, but you must not eat the fruit. If you eat the fruit, you will surely get traveler’s sickness.” What did I do? I ate the fruit!

I was actually surprised that I slept through the night. Those meds from Passport Health were some kind of wonder drug. But as I woke back up, I still felt crampy. And now, I felt like a fool.

I got up and ate the pastry I’d bought yesterday at 85. These 85 bakeries are all over the place. The chain is owned out of Thailand and they are very, very popular everywhere. My plan for today had been to go around Shanghai and see the various Buddhist, Taoist, and Confucian temples. As my stomach decided it did not like the pastry, I figured that probably wasn’t a good idea.

So I decided to brush up on my Chinese history a little. Reading my book, I was surprised that the introduction was largely devoted to the debate of “Is China a superpower?” In my mind, there was no question. I remember in my high school geography class, Mr. K used to say, “I have my doubts if India will ever make it big, but there is no doubt in my mind that everyone will be doing business with China in some capacity in the future.” From reading the Wall Street Journal the past few years, that seemed to be accurate.

But my book explained that China’s rise is sort of deceiving. Their economy has grown astronomically in the past half century (in 2011 they became the second largest GDP at $11.4Trillion. Part of what has fueled their success has been the perpetually decreasing economies of the Western world. China now holds large stakes in many American companies and has all but monopolized of Africa and its resources for use in China.

The problem with China’s economy comes when you start to look beyond the neon skylines and “Made in China” labels. With over a billion people, their per capital GDP is on par with the poorest nations in the world. While the middle class has been growing over the recent decade, China has one of the largest gaps between the upper and lower class. The current president, Xi Jinping has an estimated annual income of $400,000,00 and the former president, Wen Jiabao, is estimated to be worth $2,700,000,000.

Never the less, China’s military is on the rise (although the military does not belong to the government, it belongs to the party—the ominous fraternity that lead the Cultural Revolution in the 1950s.) The 2012 military budget for China was estimated to be $100billion USD. It is the largest in the region, although it pales in comparison to America’s $740billion USD budget. In fact China spends more on their domestic security and local police ($111billion) than they do on national defense.

But this history of economic disparity and millenarianism is not new to China. It is very much the pattern of the nation. Henry Kissinger wrote that part of the anomaly of China is that it has no defining beginning. England has legends of William the Conqueror. Prague had its story of the princess that built her castle on the river bank. The US idolizes the pilgrims and the founding fathers. These stories are known throughout generations and they define the ideals and personalities of the people that live in a nation. Prague celebrates its history as a regal city that has always attracted rulers across Europe. The US celebrates its freedom and proudly believes that democracy is something worth fighting for. Our stories shape us.

China has no such story. As long as there have been people, there has been China. Archeological evidence suggests that the earliest civilization in China dates back to around 4000 BC around the Yellow River. Many early Chinese myths also refer to the Yellow River, giving it part of that origin identity. The earliest, formalized dynasty was the Shang dynasty, and dates back to around 1766 BC. This early government ruled over a much smaller territory, but they used the same Chinese language that is written and spoken today.

Over the next 6000 years, China would be conquered and led by different families and warring people. Many times, the lower class rose up to take power, only to become increasingly wealthy and later over thrown by the new lower class. But various emperors did many things for China, much like the Kings and Presidents of the Western world. They codified laws, standardized language, chose one religion over another and tried to wipe out the other one, tried to protect the people through various militaristic means, developed crazy ways to torture people, build impressive public works projects, and left various legacies that echo to today.

Around 10:30, I realized all of my laundry was still down in Dayana’s apartment. I texted her to see if I could come get it but she said she was out for a run. She thought her roommate was home so I went down in my pajamas to check.

I knocked on the door and could hear someone humming on the other side. After a few minutes, I tried the doorbell. Sure enough, Brenda answered.

“Hi,” I said. “Can I get my laundry?”

“Oh that’s your laundry?” She said. “I was wondering about that. Ya, come on in.”

We went back into the kitchen where the washing machine was. It was still running, which meant my clothes had been soaking for about 14 hours. Dayana had said the machine does this. One of the settings is apparently an 18 hour cycle, and that is the only one that we know how to work.

“She says to turn the big knob to 18, then the little knob to stop, and it should open,” Brenda explained.

I tried turning the knobs but they were both really stuck. Gradually, and with a lot of clicking and popping sounds, I got the big one to turn to 18. Fiddling with the littler one, it also turned to stop. As it clicked into place, water started spurting out a small plastic tube in the back of the machine. Like a little squirt gun, tiny streams of water pulsed out and into the sink. This could take a while I thought.

“What an inefficient system,” Brenda said.

“I feel like a lot of things here are inefficient,” I said.

I realized it was the first time I’d said that out loud. I think in a lot of ways, I’d been trying to deny that that was how I felt. I really want to like China, and I like of it so far, but some of it makes no sense. The traffic patterns are totally illogical. The idea of pushing people to get on to subways or elevators makes no sense (at some point, each space has a capacity and pushing will not work.) Drinking hot tea to soothe spicy food is like using gasoline to put out a fire. Not to mention the EPA nightmare this entire city presents to the environment.

In a way, I do feel a bit lost. It’s kind of like I’m stuck in this alternate reality where so much is similar to back home, but little things don’t quite add up. I guess I haven't really admitted that to myself. I've been so determined to just see good that I haven't let some of the differences really faze me. I think in order to understand it better, I am going to have confront the fact that things don't always make sense; then I can figure out what the thinking is behind them.

While the machine pumped away, Brenda told me about the wild time everyone had at the karaoke bar. In retrospect, it might be interesting to go by myself, when I can hide in a back corner and people watch what the locals do (since so many of the locals I know have asked if I’ve tried it.)

After about 30 minutes, the door the machine still wouldn’t open. The water had stopped draining, but it sounded like it was still running.

“Do you want to call down to the front desk?” I asked

Brenda hesistated, “I feel like that never goes well.” Her grandparents were Chinese so she added, “We should probably have Sabrina call. In Chinese culture, older people normally get attention. We’re still too young to qualify. Plus it’s kind of a cultural thing that you need to be push and demanding in order to actually get what you want. As Americans we’re too nice so they don’t take us serious.”

“Brenda,” I said. I really was fascinated by her theory. It would explain some of what I had witnessed so far. Every time Nate and I polite asked for towels, we got sent away. Sabrina asked rather rudely and we got towels within the hour. But right now, we had a situation. “All of my clothes are in that machine.”

“Oh!” she said. “Ya I’ll make a call.”

She did. Brenda—like all the other interns except for Dayana, Natalie, Ally, Jessica, and I—spoke Chinese. She told them the door was stuck and asked if someone could come help. Sure enough, they hung up on her.

“The maid is in the hall,” I said. “Do you want to ask her?”

She went out and walked towards the maid’s cart. All of a sudden, she came running back. “I over heard her on the phone. She said this room number so I think she is the person they called.” A few minutes later, there was a knock at the door.

The maid looked at the machine, but she didn’t know how to open it either. She said she’d find someone else and left. In the meantime, I messed around with it, hitting buttons and turning nobs. As I did different things, water sprayed out of different hoses in different directions. When Dayana got back from her run, she looked at it, but she couldn’t get it open either.

Alright I thought well I’ve learned a lesson about doing all my laundry at once.

Eventually the repair man came. He looked really young and had crooked little hairs on his chin that looked like twisted wires. It reminded me that I was out of shaving cream and needed to go to the store later. I also needed to find some new soap and deodorant. The stuff I was using wasn’t coming close to anything resembling an antiperspirant.

Brenda explained to him what was wrong with the machine. He messed with it briefly before saying something to her. She pointed at me and he laughed.

“He asked if we were in a hurry to get them out,” she translated. “I told him it was all of your clothes.”

The guy opened a little door on the bottom of the front panel. Inside was a switch. He hit it and nothing happened. He explained to Brenda that it was an emergency release button to open the door. She translated that for me, along with the fact that it too was broken.

He finally stood up and looked like he was giving up. Giving the machine one good shake and then pulling on the door, it popped open.

I was so relieved.

Then he shut it again. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I thought. Can I take my clothes out before we start messing with why it is broken.

Luckily it opened right away. He laughed and said something to Brenda, who translated that it must have had a jammed hinge. Shaking it seems to have fixed it. Now anyone who knows me knows that I am not a mechanical person by any stretch of the imagination. But “shaking it” does not seems like the soundest method for fixing a problem (maybe I should rethink my answer to “Is China a superpower?”).

Of course my laundry was soaking wet. China, like most of Europe, does not believe in mechanical dryers. I took it back to my room and laid my clothes out on the living room furniture to dry. Just as I did, I felt another cramp in my stomach.

Crud! I thought. This is going to take forever.

I took another pill, this time with the tiniest sip of water. I have to say, if nothing else comes from this trip, I really am excited about learning to swallow a pill. Perhaps I just needed proper motivation all these years.

As I continued to read my book on China, I began to get drowsy. The little baggy says that is a side-effect of the traveler’s sickness meds. Nate left for the grocery store, and while he was out, I passed out on the couch.

(A special thanks to the following resource for information on China: Harper, Damian. China. Footscray, Vic., Australia: Lonely Planet Publications, 2013. Print.)